tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58286077997589186142024-02-20T19:12:52.968-05:00Death of a Baby ~ Still Learning to Cope, Deal, and HealAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04744612867238842336noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5828607799758918614.post-6927854868396185422012-04-17T13:15:00.002-04:002012-04-27T13:50:05.247-04:00My Story: How I Joined The Club That No One Wants to JoinIt was St. Patrick's Day, March 17, 2011 when I went to the hospital from getting the WORST pain in my life to find out after the hospital nurses took samples that I was pregnant.<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I was so shocked and thrilled at the same time. How was I pregnant for so long and not really know? I'm pregnant?! Yay! Wow! </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I was told by doctors prior that without medical assistance I would never get pregnant; however, here I am on the phone calling my husband telling him to get here as soon as possible because I was about to go in for my first sonogram to make sure the baby was alright. Still in shock :)</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br />
<a name='more'></a>My husband makes it to the hospital right before they take me back for the sonogram. As soon as the technician starts rubbing my belly with the device, a recognizable baby pops onto the screen. Not dots, not some spots, but a big baby :) The technician looks at me and says how far along are you? I told her I don't know. She said you have to be pass your first trimester and she continued to say some other things that I don't remember because at this point all I could see was my baby on the screen. Tears are flowing because on the screen was the answer to so many prayers. Right there, my baby. Go to find out that I was not only pregnant. I was 16 weeks pregnant! I just thought my butt was getting bigger LOL. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
So as soon as I get my discharge slips, my husband and I go straight to Barnes and Noble and I get the book I've wanted to get for so many years-- What to Expect When You're Expecting. I've dealt with babies all my life growing up through siblings, babysitting, god children, and friends' children-- but this was MY first pregnancy. I wanted to be as prepared as I could be and since I missed the entire first trimester without any symptoms, I wanted to make sure I knew what to do during the second and the third and the pending labor and birth. My due date was August 31st and I felt like I really did not have much time left before my baby would be here. The next stop was Walgreens for the prenatal vitamins (I was already talking a multivitamin every day but I wanted to make sure the baby got everything the baby needed). </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I just remember being so happy with my news. We made sure we told all of our family and close friends before we made the ultimate Facebook status update--- posting "I'm Pregnant!" with your sonogram pic as your new profile picture LOL. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
The next few weeks I was making sure to eat more healthy than usual, drinking tons of water, getting rest, shopping for baby things, and most importantly-- rubbing my belly every chance I could get. I would sing to my belly. Looking back on it now, I am glad I did spend that time with my child. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
My doctor sent me for a routine 18 week sonogram even though I had one 2 weeks before to try to see if we could tell the sex of the baby. Let's just say my baby was not shy about it at all. All the sonogram technician kept saying was "All your baby wants to show is feet and cookies" :) That's how I found out I was having a girl. My husband couldn't attend the sonogram with me because he was at work but the way I told him was I went to Burlington Coat Factory and purchased one of those beautiful dresses they carry for little girls. He was putting together the dresser in the nursery the day before and was going to finish when he got home that day. So I laid the dress on top of the dresser before he got home. When he got home I told him the clue to what we are having is on top of the dresser in the nursery. He had tears in his eyes while holding the dress with a smile on his face. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Ashley Antoinette Simmons. That's what we decided to name her. By week 19, I actually felt her kick and so did my husband. The next two weeks were just great. Everyone from the people in my neighborhood, to my church, to my job, and even strangers all seemed happy that Ashley was coming into the world. I loved watching my belly finally stick out at week 20 and felt relieved that I made it to the halfway point. Every thing was going so smoothly. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Then around 5:30 am on Good Friday, April 22, 2011, I went to the bathroom (I know it's TMI but there is a lot of going to the bathroom when your pregnant that it's just what pregnant women do). I came back to bed to rest another 5 minutes before going to work. Then I felt the need to go again. Then (DISCLAIMER: This is about to get a little graphic so if you don't want to read details I suggest going to the next paragraph) I felt what I thought could be the baby's head (later found out it was the amniotic sac) between my legs. Completely freaked out. This can't be happening! I'm only 21weeks! This is way too soon! I get my husband up and get dress with water just coming down my legs. He rushes me to the hospital that is thankfully less than 6 miles away. Since this was our first pregnancy, we did not know to go straight to the maternity ward. We went to emergency. I am losing more fluid.<br />
<br />
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
They finally get me into a room. The emergency doctor comes in and get a sample. The nurse tries to comfort me. The doctor just as cold as he could be. Even the nurse looks at him as if she too could not believe how much of a jerk he was being. Once they left, my husband let out a cry I never thought was humanly possible. I tell him to come over to me and comfort him. In the moment, I was holding on to hope. God would not allow this miracle to come into my life to just take her away. No way! </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
The nurse comes back and transport me down the maternity ward. Thinking back on it, the room was beautiful. Very spacious. In the moment though, I did not care. I just wanted them to do whatever it was they needed to do to save my baby. The midwife who is my doctor comes in to let me know that my membranes ruptured and that they would do a sonogram to see how much water I had left. Thinking back, I knew from how much water came out that it was probably not much but since I wanted so desperately for my child to live I was really hoping for a miracle. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I go down to radiology. This was the last time I saw Ashley inside me. It was close noon that day. Hours have gone by and even though I had no water left, she was in no distress. Her heartbeat was still going like nothing was going on. The head of radiology came in to explain to me that even though she was a perfectly formed baby that without water Ashley's lungs would not develop (she was right on schedule for forming her lungs) and therefore she would not ever survive outside of the womb. The head of radiology and my doctor both gently explained that my options were to either allow my daughter to die inside of me or to deliver her and she would die anyway. My options were death or death. Death now or death later. What really hurts is I had to make a choice. Not a choice to take my baby home but how do I want her to die. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Well, so much was happening that I could not fathom having her die in me. So I went ahead and allow them to induce the labor. Every thing was becoming so surreal. How did my dreams become this nightmare all in a matter of weeks?! I got an epidural; however, my epidural did not work. The first technician put it in but I could still feel my legs, toes, and everything. Then another technician came in to check it and still-- full feeling. That's when the head of anesthesiology came to administer a direct injection into my spine and check the epidural again--- However, during labor I FELT IT ALL.<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
At 4:51 p.m., Ashley Antoinette Simmons was born alive at 13oz and 10 inches long. My husband cut her cord and she was placed into my arms. She was sucking her thumb. I kissed her and told her I loved her. I handed her over though because the doctor was having a world of a time getting out my placenta. I was in the worst pain ever from the doctor's efforts to get out the placenta than I was when I was in actual labor giving birth to Ashley. I was going in and out of consciousness. Before I left the delivery room to be rushed to the operating room for a D&C for my placenta, I held Ashley one last time and told her I loved so much and that I was so sorry. The last thing I remember after that was being asked my birth date and to count down from 10 before they performed my D&C. I don't even remember leaving the delivery room to get to the operating room.<br />
<br />
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Once I woke up from out of the operating room, it was after 9:00 pm. I just popped up and demanded the nurses get me back to my room. In my heart, I knew my daughter was gone. But I had to see her. I had to. Even if her little soul was no longer there. I had to see her. So they rushed me back into my room and I saw my husband. I asked him where is she? He went to the incubator that was in the room and picked up Ashley. He handed her to me and she was already gone. My husband told me Ashley died at 7:16 p.m. and he assured me that he held her to the end.<br />
<br />
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Even though my baby's soul had already left hours before, I just held her body and looked her over. Tried to take in as much of her as I could because I knew that when this day was going to be over, I was going to have leave this hospital without my baby. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04744612867238842336noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5828607799758918614.post-72704326706915408362012-04-17T06:00:00.000-04:002012-04-27T09:01:52.241-04:00Photo of Our Daughter Ashley<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiraYKeLK12mhDOPLOw0hugt-SgEhoi3d8ZSGkGN7x4ItzrXBTraAA9XMyVbHD2hsQZfe78pClTfgXPznUqwHvf2GG8R4ZzoqUBhlj6Pw8kEAu1b4A4LfWFzIx7-eiRwI9IQOhTbH_EpKk/s1600/Ashley+Antoinette+Simmons%27+Remastered+%282%29+-+Copy+%281024x819%29.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="255" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiraYKeLK12mhDOPLOw0hugt-SgEhoi3d8ZSGkGN7x4ItzrXBTraAA9XMyVbHD2hsQZfe78pClTfgXPznUqwHvf2GG8R4ZzoqUBhlj6Pw8kEAu1b4A4LfWFzIx7-eiRwI9IQOhTbH_EpKk/s320/Ashley+Antoinette+Simmons%27+Remastered+%282%29+-+Copy+%281024x819%29.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
This is my beautiful daughter. At 21 weeks, she was just precious. I am so thankful to have at least this picture. And the header, those are her footprints (not the actual size). Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04744612867238842336noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5828607799758918614.post-15376189943024404572012-04-16T09:30:00.000-04:002013-02-23T12:15:51.742-05:00For Grieving ParentsFirst, I want to disclaim that I am not a doctor or a specialists or a counselor. These are things that I experienced that I want to share that may help another Mom or Dad that's out there seeking a cyber hug of understanding from another parent who has been through this.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<u>Big Hug</u></div>
First, I want to just give you Moms and Dads out there that loss your baby a big HUG . I remember when it happened the best thing my best friend ever did was he gave me a big bear hug, listened, and then just sat there in silence with me for what felt like at least a solid 10 minutes. So, especially for you Moms or Dads who are suffering through this alone, I hope this big hug lets you know that you do have a friend in this HUG.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<u>Cry, Cry, and Cry Some More</u></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Crying is OK and it is good. Cry. Cry whenever and where ever you need to do it. Do not be surprise when you start crying all of a sudden during a moment when you know that had you not loss your child you would not be crying. I remember literally bursting into tears before walking into to Target one day months after losing my daughter and with no obvious triggers for tears in the moment (later when I thought about it I believe something deep down in me was especially sad because I remember how happy I was when I pregnant to be shopping for baby items from Target for my baby and not a friend's baby shower). </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
But our crying is normal and appropriate. We loss our baby. We loss a part of us. We loss a dream. We loss a life. We cry for our children because that's what a loving parent does. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Now on the reverse, it is OK NOT to cry. One day the sun will be seem bright again. A joke will be funny again. You will regain a sense of normalcy again except now your new normal will include your feelings and sensitivity about your loss baby. It may take weeks, months, years, or decades to get here but you will have times again where you will not cry-- and that is fine too. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I remember I felt like I had to give myself permission to laugh again because I felt wrong feeling any happiness after losing my daughter. But I knew my baby would not want her brief life to be the source of my sorrow. Therefore, I decided I needed to continue to live a complete life because I knew she would want that for me. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Now I still cry; and most of the time it happens at the most random moments. That is OK. Know that no tear shed for our loss babies is stupid or crazy. Do not feel guilty when you find happiness again or if the tears do not come because you may just feel numb. However you express your grief, it is all OK as long as you are not hurting yourself or others.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="text-decoration: underline;">Stages of Grief?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="text-decoration: underline;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I do not know how many books, websites, and materials I went through that told me while I was going to go through this these were the stages of my grief. Then they all try to assure me that once I reached the acceptance phase life would be better. <span style="text-decoration: underline;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="text-decoration: underline;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Well, personally, I know I experienced so many "stages" of grief beyond these five stages. And the titles of these stages make the emotions seem so "less than" what you actually feel. It should be more like 'Not Having It, Ticked Off Beyond Belief That This Happened, What Do I Need to Do to Fix IT, I Feel Like The World is Standing Still, and The Daily Mask I Must Now Where to Make it Through Another Day'. Does that sound about right?</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I just know for me there are days where I feel like I feel every emotion possible all at once. Then there are days where I almost feel like how I did before losing my daughter. I know for a fact that that woman I was before I loss my daughter died that day too, and I'm still trying to figure out who I am now with the loss. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I know for me there are no "stages". I just feel. Sometimes, I feel sad. Sometimes, even now, I still get angry about what has happened. I never denied what happened to me but I do remember the first morning in the hospital I was hoping this was the most vivid dream I was having in my life. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
But know that there will be days where you feel like you are "over" the initial pain just to find yourself crying like it just happened again. It happens. Just know if you find yourself in one state too long you may want to seek help. One of the things I learned quickly after losing Ashley is there is a thin line you can easily cross where you could lose your mind. There was a time where I could seriously feel myself about to give up on life. I really had to fight for my sanity through prayer, talking to friends, eventually seeing a therapist, and reading websites like this one. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
And as for stages of grief, if it helps you rationalize what is happening to you-- use it. If not, just continue to feel what you feel in your own time. Most of you know if how you are coping, dealing, and healing is unhealthy for you or not. So what it's been a month, six months, a year, 10 years or more since you loss your child. We loss a lifetime when our child died. We are grieving more than our pregnancy. We are grieving our baby-- and others just need to respect that and give us our time. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04744612867238842336noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5828607799758918614.post-44414717217557044382012-04-16T08:00:00.000-04:002012-05-13T17:20:23.848-04:00Am I A Mom?I'm not even going to build up to the answer to this question-- YES! The second I knew I was pregnant, I changed my world for the sake of my unborn child. I made sure every thing I ate, every thing I did, and even things I was going to do were going to be for Ashley.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>There will be a few people out there that will not acknowledge you on Mother's Day because they never saw your baby. My thoughts on that has always been (even before I loss my daughter) if a parent loss their child in war, in a car accident, or to a life long illness, would you not could that child as their child after that child died? OF COURSE you would count that child as their child AND you would still acknowledge the parents as parents even though people can no longer see that child.<br />
<br />
Well, it is the same thing when a baby dies. That child was still a part of your life. No matter how brief. That child was your flesh, your hopes, your dreams, your name sake, your heart, your joy, your future, and just yours. We are parents. Declare it. The only difference between our children and the children in the playground is the only way we get hold our babies is only in our hearts-- and that's okay.<br />
<br />
<u>Mother's Day</u><br />
My very first Mother's Day was extremely hard for two reasons. The first was that year I would have been 24 weeks along glowing with my daughter, and I was really looking forward to being a mother (finally) on Mother's Day. The second reason was I literally loss my daughter 3 weeks before and it was all still so unreal that my daughter died. I was not as confident about still being a mother after losing my baby just yet.<br />
<br />
My husband, my mom, and my best friend were great that Mother's Day. My husband and best friend each got me cards and my mom got me flowers. Although I already knew that I was a mom without their gifts, it felt great to have validation that others saw me as a mother too-- and treated me as such.<br />
<br />
It is so important to honor yourself for the love you have for your child. I was fortunate enough that I had people who did recognize me. But if they hadn't, I knew that I was a mother and that was all that matter-- on Mother's day and every day going forward for the rest of my life.<br />
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04744612867238842336noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5828607799758918614.post-91255690401637206622012-04-16T07:00:00.000-04:002012-04-27T10:47:23.496-04:00Why?I ask this question almost every day. Sometimes I feel selfish for even wondering this because someone loses their child every day-- whether it's from a car accident, from a war or while working as a cop, or from a disease or illness. We are all someone's children; and therefore, anyone could lose a child. <br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>But there is something so different about losing an infant. A baby. I know for me it just did not feel right. A baby is the start of new life-- not the end! I never been burgled before but I can say I can truly relate to the feeling of being robbed. I felt so violated for so long after I lost my daughter. I felt robbed of parenthood, robbed of her first word. Her first step. Her first tooth. Our first overnight stay at the hospital from freaking out over a fever. Her first day of school. Her first sleepover. Our first time at the nail salon. Her first date. Her first love. Her prom. Her graduation from kindergarten, middle school, high school, and college. Her wedding. Her children. Her. All of it stolen from me. <br />
<br />
Why? Why her? Why me? Why now? Why us? Why give her to us in the first place just to take her away? Why? Why? Why?!!!!<br />
<br />
What's worst is no matter what peace I try to make with that question, no matter how much I try accept what has happened to us, that question is like a small drop of acid that always eat away at my heart. It is the one question I know I will never have answered. It is truly the hardest and biggest pill to have to swallow in dealing with my daughter's death.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04744612867238842336noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5828607799758918614.post-44666881822902099052012-04-16T06:35:00.000-04:002012-05-11T08:27:40.279-04:00Where is God in This?It took me some time to actually address this portion of my journey dealing with the death of my daughter. I consider myself a woman of faith. Yet when I loss my daughter my faith was on shaky ground.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>I prayed for a child. I prayed for years. <br />
<br />
I was told at first that I had PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) by two doctors at the age of 22 and later at around 24. I was later told that I may not have PCOS but given the difficulty for me to get pregnant I would need medical assistance if I ever wanted a child. So at 25, I did it the doctor's way and took pills. My husband was tested and I was tested. Took Metformin even though the doctors didn't think I had PCOS anymore just problems ovulating and irregular periods. Then when I turned 27 and still no pregnancy, I said enough. I stopped all medication. I worked out more. I noticed then the periods start coming every month (sorry if this is TMI for some of you reading but I am sure there are many Moms out there who know the woes of us women and our bodies). <br />
<br />
But during all of my efforts, I also continued praying to God. Many of times with tears flowing down my face because I wanted a child so badly. I wanted to be a mother so deeply. I would read about Hannah's desire for a child over and over again to comfort myself knowing that if God can do it for Hannah He would do it for me as long as I remained faithful. So I would then pray some more.<br />
<br />
My husband and I been married since 2005. It took 5 years before I became pregnant with Ashley. Oh happy day! Once I knew God heard me I was over the moon happy. Ashley was truly the answer to countless prayers. God became so real to me because I knew He heard my heart.<br />
<br />
Then the feeling of being pregnant is just a wonderful experience. To feel life growing inside of me. To experience what my body is capable of doing-- words cannot explain just how beautifully and wonderfully made we are as women when we are pregnant. I was living God's miracle for me and I felt blessed.<br />
<br />
One of my last memories of my pregnancy was Palm Sunday. I was in church and my stomach was really showing at 20 weeks. I just remember really feeling Ashley move around while I sang Hosanna, Blessed Be the Rock. Little did I know at that time would be the last time my daughter and I would be in church together.<br />
<br />
Good Friday. The day that Jesus went to the cross and died for our salvation. On April 22, 2011, it was the same day I gave birth to and loss my daughter. I believe all the things I felt that day probably mirrored many of the emotions Jesus' mother Mary felt centuries ago the day Jesus died. I left the hospital on the brightest, cheerful looking Easter Sunday I think I have ever experienced. Even though I could not get all my thoughts together in the moment, I found it all to be too ironic that I was going through all of this starting on Good Friday and ending the hospital experience on Easter. <br />
<br />
Well once I got home I was furious with God. How can God do this? Why would God do this? Oh, I was so angry with God. So disappointed. So hurt. In my living room I have pictures depicting the Footprints poem by Mary Stevenson (to read: <a href="http://www.footprints-inthe-sand.com/index.php?page=Poem/Poem.php">Footprints by Mary Stevenson</a>) and I remember literally yelling at the picture of Jesus everything I felt in my heart because I was so wounded. I prayed like I never prayed before in that hospital while the doctors were trying to tell me the situation was hopeless. I am Christian! We are told before we can talk that as long as I have faith as small as a mustard seed, I can move mountains! Why didn't God move this mountain?! Why WOULDN'T God move this mountain?! Why would God give her to me just to take her away?!!! Why?! Why?! Why?!!!!! WHY?!!!!<br />
<br />
Then I remember falling down to the couch in tears looking up at the picture of Jesus with that patient look on His face. I do not know why but in that moment I asked God to forgive me. I knew it was fine to get angry with God-- He can take it. I knew the fact that I felt comfortable enough to be so blunt with God spoke volumes about how personal our relationship truly is. But I knew I could not stay angry. I don't know how I knew but I knew I needed to lean on God more than ever to get through whatever this was I was feeling.<br />
<br />
Then I went to read my Bible and I opened up to John 3:16 "For God so loved the
world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in
him should not perish, but have everlasting life.". But this time it was more than about the promise of salvation and proclaiming Jesus as my savior. "For God so loved the
world, that he gave his <b>only begotten Son</b>". In that moment, I felt like God was letting me know that He personally understood exactly what I was going through. All powerful God could have easily took Christ from the cross but He did not. In order for salvation to happen, He had to allow Christ to die. In order to save me, He had to allow His innocent "baby" to die for me. On Good Friday, God loss His only begotten child just like I loss my begotten child. God knew firsthand my pain, my story, and my heart; and with that revelation, my faith was renewed. <br />
<br />
I posted this on Facebook about my experience and God one month after losing Ashley:<br />
"Although this is such a sad situation, I cannot ignore God's hand in the
entire situation. (1) It happened in the morning before my husband and I
went to work so Brandon was able to be with me the entire time. (2) The
staff at the women's pavilion at Franklin Square, the doctors and the
nurses, were outstanding and so considerate about the entire situation.
(3) The week before, I was trying to change OB doctors and I had picked a
new one. I was going to meet with the new OB for the first time on the
24th because she was the one I wanted to deliver my baby. Well, the day
this all happened that same doctor was on call and she did deliver my
baby after all. (4) Ashley went almost an entire half a day without
water and never once was under any distress and heart remained strong.
(5) Ashley's lungs were not developed, being only 21 weeks along, and
yet she lived for 2 1/2 hours. (6) I was told by the doctors afterwards
that I lost over 2 liters of blood and you only have 5 liters of blood
in your entire body. That's 40% of my entire blood supply and yet I'm
still here. (7) My husband has been extremely supportive through this
entire ordeal. He's been so strong, sometimes too strong, and I know
he's hurting too. However, we have been each others support and our
marriage is truly standing up strong against this test. (8) Most women
wouldn't even have the strength to get of bed after going through
something like this. Let alone talking about it. But I refused to allow
this to consume me. I know my child is in heaven and there is no getting
her back. I have to continue on my walk with God to get to where she
is. So I know right now it is truly God working through me and
sustaining me so I can have the peace and occasional joy you see from me
right now. I truly feel most of the time that I'm crying on the inside
every day all day. However, it is nothing but the grace of God that I
am able to smile and function as soon as a month later. So all I can and
do say is THANK GOD for all the good He has provided in such a horrible
situation."<br />
<br />
So where is God in this? Right there with you. He knows it hurts. He knows you would have given your very life for the life of your baby the day of your loss. He hears and sees you crying now. He knows your broken heart. He has not left you even though it may feel like He has. I do not know all the details of God's plan for me but I have learned time and time again God has His reasons. For me, I figured if God Himself would allow Himself to go through this pain out of love for me and for my salvation, I could not allow Jesus' death to be in vain and not continue to walk with Him.<br />
<br />
<u>Bible Versus That Helped Me</u><br />
<br />
When I needed comforting:<br />
<ul>
<li>For God so loved the
world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in
him should not perish, but have everlasting life. ~ John 3:16</li>
<li>For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and
shall lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes. ~ Revelation 7:17</li>
<li>And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death<b>,</b> neither sorrow, nor<b> </b>crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. ~ Revelation 21:4</li>
<li>Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will
fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort
me. ~ Psalm 23:4 </li>
<li>And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. ~ Philippians 4:7</li>
<li>Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. ~ Matthew 5:4</li>
<li>Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. ~ 1 Peter 5:7</li>
<li>Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort
them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves
are comforted of God. ~ 2 Corinthians 1:4</li>
</ul>
<br />
For my concern about if my daughter was saved or had any chance of being in heaven:<br />
<ul>
<li>Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations. ~ Jeremiah 1:5 </li>
<li>But now he is dead, wherefore should I fast? can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me. ~ 2 Samuel 12:23</li>
</ul>
<br />
For those "Why Days": <br />
<ul>
<li>For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. ~ Isaiah 55:8 </li>
<li>Let my cry come near before thee, O LORD: give me understanding according to thy word. ~ Psalm 119:169</li>
<li>And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, LORD, hast not forsaken them that seek thee. ~ Psalm 9:10</li>
<li>As thou knowest not what is the way of the spirit, nor how the bones do
grow in the womb of her that is with child: even so thou knowest not the
works of God who maketh all. ~ Ecclesiastes 11:5</li>
<li>Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6</li>
</ul>
My mom said it best that we are lent to one another. Everyone's time on Earth is only a little while. No one knows how much time we have which is why time and life are the two most precious assets we all possess. I am thankful to God that He allowed me to be Ashley's mother; and I even though she is not here and I was not able to raise her, I still feel blessed that she was mine, inside of me, and a part of me-- even for just a little while-- because she will always be my daughter. Amen. <br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04744612867238842336noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5828607799758918614.post-17733288734275744682012-04-16T06:30:00.001-04:002012-04-27T10:53:11.369-04:00Placental Abruption: The Doctor's Answer to WhyFirst, it is not right that I had to wait until my 6 week appointment after giving birth and losing my daughter to get a medical opinion of what happened. I really felt like every day I was losing my mind. And the guilt! I think I went over every thing and every detail of pregnancy over and over again in my head every day hours at a time trying to find what I could have done differently to save my daughter.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>But after all the madness, at my 6 week appointment, my doctor reveals that autopsy said that I suffered a placental abruption. The report went on to further say that there are usually factors of the mom associated with why a placentla abruption happens. However, I did not have any of those conditions so they labeled the cause as an act of nature as to why my placenta decided to detach from my uterus and cause premature labor. <br />
<br />
I felt really betrayed by my very own body. I just remember I kept asking my doctor afterwards if she was sure there was nothing I did that caused it and how can I prevent it from ever happening again. My doctor looked so defeated when the only guidance she could give me was there was nothing I could have done and nothing I can do different.<br />
<br />
Below I provided some links I found helpful about placental abruptions:<br />
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1858913979"><br /></a><br />
<a href="http://www.babycenter.com/0_placental-abruption_1425791.bc" target="_blank">Baby Center - Placental Abruption</a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.marchofdimes.com/pregnancy/complications_abruption.html%20" target="_blank">March of Dimes - Placental Abruption</a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancycomplications/placentalabruption.html" target="_blank">American Pregnancy - Placental Abruption</a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxNhGcbUcmw&feature=related">You Tube- What is Placenta Abruption</a><br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04744612867238842336noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5828607799758918614.post-30587755078028018372012-04-16T06:30:00.000-04:002012-04-27T10:55:03.822-04:00When There Are No Other ChildrenFirst, I want to give love to the families who have to deal with grieving the loss of their infant while raising other children. I knew after the loss of my daughter I wanted the world to just stop so I could catch back up. But when you have other children depending on you, I can imagine that your aching heart has to be put on the back burner so you can tend to your other children. Cyber hug to you parents who are dealing with this. That is not my story but I do empathize with your plight.<br />
<br />
But this post are for those parents who infant(s) that is gone was their only child(ren). For me, Ashley was my very first pregnancy as well as my first and only child thus far. This experience is truly a messed way to become a mother. I do not regret having Ashley-- I am not saying that at all. I just wish I had more time and more experiences with her.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>Other people are so quick to try comfort you saying you will have more children. But what if you don't? The one thing that bothers now though are the constant questions I think about: What if Ashley was the only one? What if I am never meant to birth any more children? What if she was the only one meant to be?<br />
<br />
I usually do not share those questions with others anymore because for people who cannot relate their immediate response is well you can adopt. But the adoption process is not an easy one; and even though that is a very real possibility it would not be the same. That child would not have features that trace back many generations from both of our sides of our families or my husband's mannerisms or mine. Sure I would love that child just as fiercely as I would love Ashley and that child would be my daughter or son wholeheartedly; but deep down, it would always seem a fraction less than if the child was my own flesh. Nothing against adoption (it is an option that I always entertain in my mind because many children do need a home and a loving family AND I have a brother and a sister who are adopted that I love no differently than my other brothers and sister) but I have to be honest with myself to know that there would be a hair of a difference in my experiences with an adopted child versus one of my own. I know I do not plan to rush into the adoption option any time soon but it is an option. <br />
<br />
Then there is that thought of can I live with never having anymore children. I know for me I would love to have at least one more child that would live a longer than Ashley so my husband and I can have more experiences of parenthood. But what if that is not in the cards? Then what? These are very real thoughts to consider after losing a child and there is nothing crazy about it.... And I too am still trying to figure this one out. <br />
<br />
It is just such a hurtful thing when the dream of raising of child is obtained through pregnancy but that is far as the dream goes. I really do not believe other people get how much deeper it hurts to have so much maternal love inside of you wanting to be given to your child but your child is not here to experience it.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04744612867238842336noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5828607799758918614.post-33178630736869069272012-04-16T06:07:00.000-04:002013-02-23T13:09:35.457-05:00Going Back to Work after Losing a Baby<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><br />
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0in;
mso-para-margin-right:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt;
mso-para-margin-left:0in;
line-height:115%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I had mixed emotions about going
back to work after my 6 weeks were up. My co-workers were extremely excited for
me while I was pregnant; and extremely supportive and caring during the initial
time after the loss. I work for a federal agency so once my leave was up I had
to be back into work functioning at 150%.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I still remember that first day back
at work. After receiving multiple hugs that day, I would keep trying to focus
but it was the hardest thing to just return to 'business as usual”. I remember
I went to the bathroom at least 3 times that first day just to cry. It is
amazing how the world continues on like nothing has ever happened when the
world has stopped for you when your baby died. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<a name='more'></a><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But then, about two weeks later, the
complete opposite happened. I fell in love with work more than ever because it
was the one thing that did not change after the loss of my daughter. My
marriage would be forever changed, my friendships, my home, and the rest of
life. But work? It was still the same expectations, still the same environment.
It became my escape to not focus on the pain of losing my daughter. For those
10 hours a day, I could focus on something completely unrelated to losing
Ashley.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">However, everyone is different and
every job is different. I know I have heard from some women who do not get
leave from work and had to return back to their jobs right away. I remember my
husband had to use his vacation time to take a week off; and fortunately, he
had that week to take off otherwise he would have to go back to work the next
day. I still feel bad that he was hurting too but he had to rush back to
'business as usual'. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">If you are fortunate enough to be
able to take leave from work, take the leave. This way before you go back to
work you can develop an initial game plan for how you are going to handle co-workers
and your own emotions about the loss of your child or children. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Be gentle on yourself when you first
go back. As I said, I went to the bathroom a few times to just cry that first
day back; and five minutes later, I went back to my cubicle to try to complete
more work. It is not a perfect system and I know this may not be an option for
everyone but I want you to not beat up yourself if you behave out of your “normal”
character—you’re still grieving and it’s all right. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Be prepared to feel like you are
wearing a mask. It is amazing how you feel like you are about to die inside but
you must put on that professional front while in a meeting, or dealing with
customers, or whatever it is you do for work. It is not fair but during those
initial months back at work while you are still healing and trying to figure
how to better cope with the loss, you will feel like you are wearing a mask. My
advice for this is your home so be the place where you are allowed to take the
mask off. Cry, yell, or do nothing but sit and stare. Whatever it is you wanted
to do all day at work, do it when you get home because if you wear the mask all
the time you might drive yourself crazy for real. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Talk to your manager about your
workload. If you are able to, meet with your manager within the first two hours
of your first day back to talk about a game plan for attacking your workload
and your initial expectations. I know this helped me so much that my manager
and I met my first day back and we decided what task I needed to complete
first. It made returning to work not seem so overwhelming considering I was
already overwhelmed from my recent experience. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">If your job offers counseling
sessions or has an employee assistance program, consider using it. I really wish
I had used it sooner. One day about 7 months after Ashley's death, I was just
completely overtaken with sadness. I literally cried most of the day for about
a week. I was worried about my mental state so I called the employee assistance
number and it was a great help. They got me a counselor in my neighborhood and
those few sessions really helped me to cope with this loss. Since it was
an employee benefit, it was free of charge and completely confidential. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Again, the first day back will seem
surreal. Everything and nothing will seem to matter to you all at once. Be kind
to yourself and cope the best way you know how. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I hope that your first day back to
work goes well for you. Hugs. </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04744612867238842336noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5828607799758918614.post-51388549184159820482012-04-16T05:45:00.000-04:002013-02-23T12:23:59.581-05:00The Hard Question with the Harder Answer<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><br />
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0in;
mso-para-margin-right:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt;
mso-para-margin-left:0in;
line-height:115%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The dreaded question that always
comes up sometimes when you least expect it after losing your child or children is how many children do you
have? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I remember before going back into
society after my 6 week leave from work, I made the decision that when asked
the question I was going to mention Ashley. Personally, I felt like it
would be a betrayal to my daughter's existence to not say I had a daughter or I
loss a daughter. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span><br />
<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I find when I respond with I had a
daughter or I loss a daughter, I usually get the "Oh, I'm sorry for your
loss" and we move on with our conversation. It is two seconds of
awkwardness but for me it feels appropriate to make sure I acknowledge Ashley
and not treat her as some dirty little secret. Now occasionally, I will get the
person who will pry and ask "What happened". I will briefly say that
she died 2 1/2 hours after she was born. I usually don't go into too much more
detail unless someone asks me-- and I actually had a few people who wanted to know more about the loss. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So I'm sure some of you reading are
saying "Well, what if it's too painful for me to keep saying it?" or
"I just don't want to have to talk about it. It makes people sad." At
the end of the day, it is your choice. I personally can understand if you
decide to say we don't have any children if your loss baby was your only child
or if you only mention your living children. I</span> can only imagine how difficult it must be when you have other children and people see the living ones and assume that the living children are your only children. <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">That will be something you will
need to decide what is right for you and your family. </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04744612867238842336noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5828607799758918614.post-91432318646007495712012-04-16T05:30:00.000-04:002013-02-23T12:29:14.081-05:00Being There for Dad TooWhen I gave birth to Ashley I lost over 2 liters of blood. My husband told me afterwards that during delivery there were times I looked dead. I told him that there were times that I could feel myself slipping away and what woke me back up was hearing him say my name. Then when I was rushed to the operating room, my husband was left alone with our dying daughter in his arms.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>I will never know what all my husband was feeling that day, and I can only imagine. Why us? Why my child? There's nothing I can do. My wife could be dying too. What is going to happen to us? What's going to happen to me?.... I really do not know what he felt but I'm sure it is probably feelings that are as deep as the feelings that I have about the loss of our daughter that he will never understand too.<br />
<br />
I remember when we first encountered other people after the loss of our daughter, every one would ask me if I was alright. Only a handful of people would bother to ask if my husband was alright too.<br />
<br />
I really feel for the Dads after losing a child because every one treats the fathers as if they did not experience a loss as well. Sure the Dads are not openly crying out it or verbalizing it but it is alright (and actually appropriate) to show the fathers some compassion as well.<br />
<br />
And Moms, let the Dad grieve in his own way. I remember for a while I did not know how to even talk to my husband about our daughter. I did not know if he just wanted to forget her or what. I just remember crying every day for at least 2 weeks afterwards and thinking does he even care? He did not cry (or at least not for me to see it) and he seemed almost normal. But then I saw it. He got this massive tattoo of Ashley's name and her birth date on the inside of his arm. That was how he grieved. That was how he showed he remembered, he cared, and that she is always with him.<br />
<br />
During this journey, I noticed just how different men and women are. The man is going to deal with this in his own way-- whatever that way may be. As long as he is not hurting the woman or himself, his actions are acceptable. Also, allow him to feel comfortable to express himself in ways that he may not normally express himself as this hurt is very deep. If he cries, be there. If it takes him extra pauses to verbalize his heart, be patient. Even if he just wants to just sit there and be quiet with you, so be it. Every one handles death differently; and no one way is the right way.<br />
<br />
Just remember, he loss a baby too.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04744612867238842336noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5828607799758918614.post-71829520725108413572012-04-16T03:30:00.000-04:002012-05-11T22:51:19.491-04:00Internet: How It Feels Like Your Only Friend After the LossOh how many hours and Google searches I have spent reading every thing about dealing/coping/surviving the death of a baby, neonatal death, stillbirth (since I loss my daughter after 20 weeks), infant death, etc.<br />
<br />
Then once the autopsy came back to say that the cause of the premature labor was a placental abruption, I read EVERYTHING known to man to try to find out why, how, why me, what, and why again. <br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
Then the books out there. First, there are only a handful of books. Most of the book ignore the many other families that experience a vast variety of different types of baby loss. But the Internet search gave more information than I could ever read.... Yet I read.<br />
<br />
I read the blogs, the medical sites, the hopeful sites, the depressing sites... I even read many sites like what you are reading right now :)... And strangely enough, those sites helped more than any word that came out of anyone's mouth.<br />
<br />
Those sites let me know that my thoughts about losing my daughter are not crazy, they are shared. These random bouts of crying is as normal for a US mom going through this as a British mother going through this. The doctor was not lying when she said there wasn't nothing she could have done to save my daughter because many sites worldwide support what she said.<br />
<br />
I used to think that I was searching all those many, many sites for an answer. But what I found was understanding. Understanding for how I felt, understanding for what happened to me, and understanding that the loss of my daughter will not go away-- it will just hurt less. At the time, I did not know it but those sites were there for me at a time when even I could not be there for me.<br />
<br />
Thank you Internet.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04744612867238842336noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5828607799758918614.post-27512416468354285472012-04-15T12:39:00.000-04:002013-02-23T12:54:17.293-05:00How to Stop Baby Related Mail<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
<o:AllowPNG/>
</o:OfficeDocumentSettings>
</xml><![endif]--><br />
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/>
<w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/>
<w:OverrideTableStyleHps/>
</w:Compatibility>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0in;
mso-para-margin-right:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt;
mso-para-margin-left:0in;
line-height:115%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: center;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">How
to Stop Baby Related Mail and Marketing</span></u></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The biggest reminder of my baby's death after I loss
Ashley was my mail. It seemed like every other day, especially about a month
after her original due date in August, I would receive life insurance offers,
baby formula samples, Target coupons on diapers and clothes, and everything
else that I would have love to received had Ashley lived after I gave birth to her</span><br />
<br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It felt cruel. It really got so bad
at one point that I wouldn't even check the mail anymore and let my husband get
it because I was tired and hurt about receiving items for my baby who is not
here. I am sure many of you Moms and Dads share how I felt about the constant
mail we receive after losing our babies. Then if it is not the physical mailbox overflowing with baby mail, your email also reminds you constantly of the baby that never made it home. It took some time for me to get it to
stop but it can be done. I will share what I did and hopefully it will help you
too.</span><br />
<a name='more'></a></div>
<ol start="1" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Cancel all baby registrations you made while pregnant.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> I know I completely forgot that I still had my
registration active at Target, Babies R Us, Wal-Mart, Carter, etc. (You
can tell I was a first time mom, huh?). But by having all those
registrations with the baby's due date, if you do not cancel the
registration the stores and sites automatically assume that the baby is
still here. They use those registrations as marketing tools to send you
coupons, flyers, samples, etc. Unless we tell them, they do not know and
the mail will continue to come.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Cancel or modify accounts with pregnancy sites. </span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Once again, I did not realize that all the sites I
registered with while pregnant such as Baby Center, What to Expect When
Expecting, etc. that still had Ashley listed as being born. It really hurt when
I went to modify my account with Baby Center and it showed that Ashley
should have been 7 months old had she been born on her original due date.
But first, open your profile or account and see if the site allows you to
change that your child is no longer here. If it does, make the change. If
not, then you will need to cancel your account. Just like the baby
registry stores, these sites are usually partnered with baby stuff
suppliers and once again everyone assumes that the baby is still and
alive. Therefore, by modifying or cancelling the account, this should help
stop the marketing mail you receive. </span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Understand that births and deaths is public
information.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Just like if you purchase a
home or get married, having a baby and when the baby dies is public
information. Therefore, if you are wondering why you are being contacted
for a survey or how was I included in this marketing campaign when I did
not sign out for any sites or registries, then the marketer may have found
out through public record. It feels like an invasion of privacy, I know;
but it is legal for them to get this information. However, you do have the right to opt-out of whatever they are offering.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Tell the marketer directly. </span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Either respond during your call to be taken off the
calling list or write back that you do not want to receive anymore mail.
You do not have to go into why but this will help stop the calls and the
mail too. </span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>Remember to unsubscribe the "baby" emails. </i>If you continue to receive emails after cancelling your known baby registries, chances are word got around that you were expecting a baby and other companies are trying to win you over as a potential customer by filling up your email with baby ads, baby/parenting magazine subscriptions, and other baby related material. Usually, if you scroll to the bottom of the email (if you cannot deal with it, this is when you have a friend help), there will be a link you can click to unsubscribe to the emails, or an instructions to stop the emails. This is usually the fastest and easiest way to stop the email clutter. </span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Sign up for do no call/do not mail services. </span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Just like with telemarketers or other direct mail
problems, you can register your phone number or address so that you will
not receive calls or mail about baby stuff. Here are a few places to get
registered:</span></li>
<ul>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 1.0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">DMAchoice will register your name and address so you
will stop receiving direct mail for baby items. Go to <a href="https://www.dmachoice.org/dma/member/home.action"><span style="color: blue;">DMAchoice.org</span></a></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 1.0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">National Do Not Call Registry will not only stop baby
related calls but all telemarketing calls. Go to <a href="https://www.donotcall.gov/"><span style="color: blue;">National Do
Not Call Registry</span></a></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list 1.0in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">For the UK, there is a service especially for stopping
baby related mail. Go to <a href="http://www.mpsonline.org.uk/bmpsr"><span style="color: blue;">Baby Mail Preference Service</span></a> </span></li>
</ul>
</ol>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> I know once I took all of
these steps, I do not receive anything baby related anymore. I hope you find
this helpful to stop the mail from mocking you daily because I know for me it
made my mailbox tolerable again. </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04744612867238842336noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5828607799758918614.post-61910933838544765822012-04-15T09:01:00.000-04:002012-05-24T18:10:00.431-04:0010 Ways to Honor A Loss BabyI strongly believe in acknowledging my daughter when ever I get an opportunity to do so. It is important to me that she is remembered and that her life continues to mean something. Therefore, I would like to share 10 of the ways Ashley's life has been honored. <br />
<a name='more'></a><ol>
<li><i>I say her name as much as possible.</i> It is so simple but I love referring to Ashley by her name. For those parents who did not get a chance to officially name their babies, a nickname will do. But I believe in using our children names it is a beautiful way of cherishing our children. </li>
<li><i>Tattoos</i>. I personally did not do this but my husband did. It is his way of keeping her with him every where he goes. </li>
<li><i>Jewelry.</i> I have two necklaces, one that is a cameo a mother and baby and one that is a cross with a mom holding a baby, as well as a ring engraved with Ashley's name and birth/death date inside of it. I wear my ring every day. I know the cross has a diamond in it which is Ashley's birthstone. Jewelry is a great way to honor and remember your child. </li>
<li><i>Displaying baby's picture. </i>In our house, Ashley's picture is hanging in the living room with the other family pictures and in the kitchen with more family pictures. Her face is the background on both of my husband's and my phones. We refused to hide her like some secret. If you do not have a picture of your baby but maybe have the sonogram, display that if you like. If your loss was before a sonogram, maybe display a shadow box with baby items in it or create a collage around your baby's name. </li>
<li><i>Include baby during holidays. </i>During Christmas, I got an angel ornament for Ashley. On Thanksgiving, I included her in prayer. My husband and I mentioned her on Easter and Good Friday since she born on Good Friday. We both give one another a card and do something special for each other on Mother's Day and Father's Day. It is alright to include your baby in your holiday celebration in your own way. </li>
<li><i>Release a balloon/light a candle. </i>The hospital where I delivered Ashley held a special ceremony before lighting the hospital's Christmas tree where the families who loss children attend the ceremony and at the end hang an ornament on the hospital's Christmas tree and releases a balloon with the loss baby's name on it. I cried so much afterwards because it felt like letting her go all over again. However, it was a beautiful way to honor her life. On her angel anniversaries, since she lived for about 2 1/2 hours, I will light a candle for as long as she lived before blowing it out. </li>
<li><i>Memorial stones/plaques</i>. Ashley was cremated and her remains were buried at the hospital with the other babies who were loss so we do not have a place to go visit her per se. But before we left the hospital, my husband found the most beautiful memorial plaque that says "Life is not measured by the number of breaths that you take, but by the moments that take your breath away." It was so appropriate since Ashley's lungs were not fully developed when she was born. I cried. The plaque now sits in our living room. </li>
<li><i>Participate in charity walks or donate to charity. </i>Next year, I plan to participate in the March of Dimes annual walk "March for Babies" because March of Dimes are not only spreading awareness about the many different pregnancy and infant loss, but they are also trying to find solutions to decrease the numbers of families that go through this. Even though I did not walk this year, I did donate. I know for me it is important that to help spread understanding and to promote more viable pregnancies and babies. </li>
<li><i>Plant a flower/tree.</i> My mom did this and she loves it. She planted a perennial flower so it would come back every year to honor Ashley. I found it to be sweet. I also know of another lady that planted a tree for her son to watch it grow since she was unable to watch her son grow up. </li>
<li><i>Websites/Blogs/Facebook</i>. This blog has helped me heal in soo many ways. Sharing truly is caring. I know now that Ashley and her story and her life is not just known to me and my husband but the world over. It makes my heart feel so good to know that her life is helping a Mom or Dad right now with the most difficult time in their lives. </li>
</ol>
Feel free to comment with ways you and your family has honored your baby.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04744612867238842336noreply@blogger.com5