I ask this question almost every day. Sometimes I feel selfish for even wondering this because someone loses their child every day-- whether it's from a car accident, from a war or while working as a cop, or from a disease or illness. We are all someone's children; and therefore, anyone could lose a child.

But there is something so different about losing an infant. A baby. I know for me it just did not feel right. A baby is the start of new life-- not the end! I never been burgled before but I can say I can truly relate to the feeling of being robbed. I felt so violated for so long after I lost my daughter. I felt robbed of parenthood, robbed of her first word. Her first step.  Her first tooth. Our first overnight stay at the hospital from freaking out over a fever. Her first day of school. Her first sleepover. Our first time at the nail salon. Her first date. Her first love. Her prom. Her graduation from kindergarten, middle school, high school, and college. Her wedding. Her children. Her. All of it stolen from me.

Why? Why her? Why me? Why now? Why us? Why give her to us in the first place just to take her away? Why? Why? Why?!!!!

What's worst is no matter what peace I try to make with that question, no matter how much I try accept what has happened to us, that question is like a small drop of acid that always eat away at my heart. It is the one question I know I will never have answered. It is truly the hardest and biggest pill to have to swallow in dealing with my daughter's death.


  1. I will share with you something a teacher of mine told me when he found out I had lost my babe with 8 months of pregnancy.

    He said his religion teaches and he believes that the souls of the children that die young or in birth, only needed to give and receive love for that period of time for them to reach full illumination and be able to leave for ever next to God.

    I have believed in this teachings since that day, 25 years ago. It helped me see purpose in such a tragic and pailful loss. I have to say I still hurt, but not every minute of everyday. But I know I have a daughter in heaven and I will be able to see her again one day.

    Happy Mothers day to all of us!

  2. Thank you for your kind words of support and many hugs to you for the loss of your daughter.

  3. I am asking myself the same thing. And many other Questions Without Answers.
    I want some kind of reassurance that what happened really was an isolated event like the doctors said. I want a guarantee that I WILL get pregnant again and that the baby WILL make it to term and survive and grow up to be a happy, healthy, normal, everyday child. I hate that there are no answers; I hate it, but I have to accept it so that I can move forward.

    1. Erin, I hear you loud and clear. With all the faith in the world, I love to plan things and have things happen according to plan. Yet I'm learning more and more we have to hold on to hope as hard as we can. Hope for another pregnancy, hope that the pregnancy will last full term, and hope that we will take home a healthy baby that will live for many years to come-- and that's if you even want to pursue trying again. But you are right, we truly do have to accept it and just keep going otherwise we would drive ourselves mad. Thanks for sharing.

  4. Hi I came across ur blog and its so nice to have someone who understands how I feel right now I loss my daughter have a month in NICU. She was so beautiful everyday I ask why this happened to me why, something I wanted and loved so much was taken.